Job opening: “Moms” needed immediately!

​Position:  “Mom” (alternate titles include: “Momma”, “Mommy”, and “Mother”) 
Work hours: 24/7
Term: The rest of your life
Pay: The knowledge that you’re helping shape the life of a tiny human
Bonus potential: Occasional hugs and kisses

Sick days/paid time off: Not applicable to the “Mom” position
Opportunities for advancement: None. The organization is completely lateral.
Responsibilities:
A “Mom” must possess:

• Knowledge of where everything is
• Willingness to clean up various messes, including biohazard
• Honest answers to all manner of uncomfortable and/or embarrassing questions
• Proven ability to scare away the boogie man and/or other creatures commonly found in nightmares
• Own car for 24/7 shuttle service
• Event planning expertise for clients of all ages
• Ability to feign interest in video games
• Ability to defend your charge, to the death, against all threats (includes both real and perceived threats)
• Zero expectations of personal space
• Advanced negotiation skills, as well as short order cook and janitorial experience a plus. 

 
If you’re interested in the position…well, then you are my kind of crazy! Share with others, because recruitment for this position can be challenging…