Things I promise I’ll never talk about in a Christmas letter…and it’d be great if you wouldn’t, either
You all know what I mean by “Christmas letter,” right? It’s the brag sheet/year-at-a-glance overview that family and friends and acquaintances send to you along with their annual Christmas card that often stuns you into silence with the sheer amount of TMI spewed onto the page. I know it’s a little late for this since Christmas has passed and all, but I was sick over the holidays (screw you, influenza A) and only just now read a few of the Christmas letters I received—so, please forgive my tardiness in presenting this, the list of things I’ll never talk about in a Christmas letter (and I hope you’ll pay it forward, people):
Self-published authors and handling negative reviews: A few things to keep in mind
For a self-published author, getting a negative review is like having someone tell you your kid’s ugly. And stupid. It hurts and you want to argue. You want to rage against the mouth-breathing, quarter-witted miscreant who dared disrespect your baby. But here are a few things to keep in mind before you decide to brush up on your cyber-stalking skills and formulate a plan to ruin a reviewer’s life (not that I’ve ever done that…no sir, not me…):
During #GOT season (which is criminally short, in my opinion), I plan my Sundays around the show. I need to be on my couch, lights dimmed, ready to watch five minutes before 9pm (wouldn’t want to miss the opening theme music, you know). During the show, I don’t get up to the go to the bathroom or grab a drink/snack. I don’t take my eyes off the television. Hell, I don’t blink. I’ve watched a lot of good (and bad…really, really bad) television in my time, but I’ve never felt as strongly about a show as I do about GOT. I dare you to watch this show and not become a fanatic. In case you don’t watch (and why wouldn’t you be watching???), here are the top reasons why during the off season, I’m within kissing distance of needing a GOT support group:
Top 6 shows that were cancelled too soon
I don’t watch television shows until they’ve been renewed for at least a fifth season. Why, you ask?
Because I am a killer of good television.
It’s a documented fact that if I love a show, it will fail to find other viewers and the network will unceremoniously ax it before its time. You can all thank me for the fact that Supernatural is still going strong in season 10; I didn’t start watching it until this year. You’re welcome.
Here are the top 6 brilliant, engaging, clever shows that were cancelled only because I liked them (I mean, what other reason could there have been, right?)
Watching Supernatural is like free admittance to a 12-season-long writing course. Here are the top reasons to watch:
7. Sheer beauty
As humans, we are naturally drawn to the beautiful things in life. And I don’t think there’s anyone who’d argue that Jensen Ackles is ridiculously beautiful. It’s unnatural, really. Jared Padalecki is beautiful too, but he’s young-looking enough to make me feel like a pervy creeper for noticing–so I mention that only for you younger girls out there. But if you don’t feel inspired to write a beautiful hero (especially a romantic hero) after watching these guys fight evil and save the world every week, then you might want to check your pulse, ‘cause you might be dead. (Yeah, I’m a fangirl. What of it?)
To sign with an agent or not…that is the question.
The answer seems simple, right? Of course you want to sign with an agent! What idiot would turn down an agent’s offer of representation?
Well, looking back at my journey to publication, I wish I would’ve been that idiot.
I started writing in 2001 while I was between jobs. I’d just read a historical romance that I hated. And I passionately hated this book. The plot was terrible, the characters were annoying and weak, the dialogue was stilted…it was a complete crapfest. So, I decided, hey, if this piece of garbage can get published, then I need to write my own novel. How hard can it be?
10. Downfall—Matchbox 20
Best dark, brooding lyrics:
Be my savior
I’ll be your downfall
9. Demons—Imagine Dragons
Best dark, brooding lyrics:
Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Would you keep reading a story that started like this:
Normally, Laney Walker would laugh at the thought of standing on a werewolf’s doorstep while wearing a red-hooded cashmere sweater.
Hell, she could think of a half dozen Little Red Riding Hood jokes and at least one vaguely dirty limerick about being eaten by the big bad wolf without even trying. But today wasn’t a normal day, and Laney was too annoyed and freaked out to laugh as she pounded on her neighbor’s door with more enthusiasm than was probably necessary.
Her relationship with said neighbor and werewolf, Declan Murphy, wasn’t what one would typically classify as…well, neighborly. He’d lived next door to her for the past two years, and they’d never exchanged actual words. To date, they’d only communicated through baked goods…
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