Things you’ll learn after self-publishing your novel

1. 80% of traffic on your website will be ads for web designers, PR companies, and people looking to unload a Russian bride on you.
2. 20% of traffic on your website will be readers who say things so nice you’ll get tears in your eyes while reading their messages.
3. Not everyone will think you’re a genius and the best thing ever to happen to the world of lit-ra-chure. Sad but true. Some people will think you suck and won’t have any problem telling you so. 
4. Figuring out exactly how the Amazon algorithm works is impossible, unless you are a Mensa member who also happens to be a NASA scientist with a computer sciences degree from Caltech
5. You know that reading your negative reviews is a bad idea, but you’ll still do it. I dare you to try and NOT do it.
6. Your Amazon sales rank will rise and fall with little to no visible pattern. No one knows for sure why. Don’t overanalyze it. It just happens. 
7. You can’t continue to be antisocial, living on Doritos and Diet Coke in your writing cave. You will need to get on social media and participate in life (real life…not the life going on in the pages of your books) 
8. You’ll have to keep writing, even though you’ll want to spend your time excessively checking your social media/sales/sales rank. 
9. Some people will avoid your book because it’s self-published. Some people will read your book without giving any thought to who published it. Some people will tell you your book is “good for a self-published work.” Don’t worry about any of it. Just keep writing. 
10. Asshat is one word, not two. (OK, maybe I’m the only one who learned that…editing and proofreading are beautiful things)