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Things you’ll learn after self-publishing your novel

2/25/2016

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  1. 80% of traffic on your website will be ads for web designers, PR companies, and people looking to unload a Russian bride on you.
  2. 20% of traffic on your website will be readers who say things so nice you’ll get tears in your eyes while reading their messages.
  3. Not everyone will think you’re a genius and the best thing ever to happen to the world of lit-ra-chure. Sad but true. Some people will think you suck and won’t have any problem telling you so. 
  4. Figuring out exactly how the Amazon algorithm works is impossible, unless you are a Mensa member who also happens to be a NASA scientist with a computer sciences degree from Caltech
  5. You know that reading your negative reviews is a bad idea, but you’ll still do it. I dare you to try and NOT do it.
  6. Your Amazon sales rank will rise and fall with little to no visible pattern. No one knows for sure why. Don’t overanalyze it. It just happens. 
  7. You can’t continue to be antisocial, living on Doritos and Diet Coke in your writing cave. You will need to get on social media and participate in life (real life…not the life going on in the pages of your books) 
  8. You’ll have to keep writing, even though you’ll want to spend your time excessively checking your social media/sales/sales rank. 
  9. Some people will avoid your book because it’s self-published. Some people will read your book without giving any thought to who published it. Some people will tell you your book is “good for a self-published work.” Don’t worry about any of it. Just keep writing. 
  10. Asshat is one word, not two. (OK, maybe I’m the only one who learned that…editing and proofreading are beautiful things)
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Top 6 Self-publishing Myths That Piss Me Off

2/16/2016

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I’d like to think we’ve all moved past the days when self-publishing was considered nothing short of sacrilegious. After all, self-publishing is a billion-dollar industry, and wild success stories are becoming more and more common. But even today, the self-publishing stigma still rears its ugly head on occasion. To clear the air, here are a few common self-publishing myths debunked:

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Top 10 Reasons to Read Semi-Charmed

2/14/2016

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  1. The new season of Game of Thrones doesn’t start for a REALLY long time. What else is there to do while you wait?
  2. There’s a free affirmation with every copy sold (Have you lost weight?)
  3. There’s a cute dog (Who doesn’t love a cute dog?)
  4. Because laughing burns calories (It’s a fact…look it up)
  5. Being seen reading makes you look smarter
  6. You can repeat the funny parts of the dialogue in conversations with your friends and pretend it’s your own (I won’t sue or anything. Promise!)
  7. It contains a healthy amount of ass-kicking to balance out the mushy stuff.
  8. There’s no cliff-hanger (Don’t you just hate those?)
  9. Who doesn’t love a happy ending?
  10. Because you need a smart, sarcastic, feisty, kick-ass paranormal PI in your life

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Be your own biggest fan. Others will follow.

2/14/2016

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To sign with an agent or not…that is the question.

The answer seems simple, right? Of course you want to sign with an agent! What idiot would turn down an agent’s offer of representation?

Well, looking back at my journey to publication, I wish I would’ve been that idiot.
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I started writing in 2001 while I was between jobs. I’d just read a historical romance that I hated. And I passionately hated this book. The plot was terrible, the characters were annoying and weak, the dialogue was stilted…it was a complete crapfest. So, I decided, hey, if this piece of garbage can get published, then I need to write my own novel. How hard can it be?

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